In Buddhism it is said that the Noble Eightfold path is the way to eliminate suffering in life. The first two elements of the Noble Eightfold Path have to do with wisdom: Right View and Right Intention.
Right View is sometimes called right understanding. It’s seeing things as they are – not through biases or misinformation. The Buddha taught Right View in terms of the practice of Mindfulness, but it applies to everything. To make good decisions in life requires understanding of the factors involved. To get along with people often requires understanding and sometimes empathy for the situations of others. We all come from different backgrounds and have different motivations in life.
Right Intention is the motivation for our actions. What are we trying to accomplish. What is your objective in what you do? Is it to cause harm? Is it to intimidate? To make the other person feel bad?
I must admit, I haven’t always had Right Intentions in my actions. I’ve been called a bully and a redneck, although somehow being Jewish and being a redneck don’t seem to go together.
In the practice of Vipassana meditation, we seek insight into our thoughts and actions. I’ve done this and the reason I’ve been an asshole at times is not out of vindictiveness, but out of insecurity. Sometimes, even though we crave love, we’re afraid of being hurt. Being without love is less painful than experiencing love and then losing it. So we put up barriers to keep other people out. At one time in my life, I had the protection of 50 foot stone wall a large moat filled with piranhas. It took a long time before I lowered the draw-bridge and let anyone in.
If I would have understood why it was that I acted the way I did during my younger days, things probably would have turned out differently. Not that I’m not happy now, but it took me a long time to get to where I am and to get rid of my demons.
In the Buddha’s words: “And what, O bhikkhus (monks), is right understanding? To understand suffering, to understand the origination of suffering, to understand extinction of suffering, to understand the path leading to the extinction of suffering; this is called right understanding.”